I'm Still Alive and Free - AmazingPolly.net

Go to content
Contribute To My Work
Amazing Polly is now on Truth Social

I'm Still Alive and Free

I'm Still Alive and Free

Just a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.  
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular.  For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter.  (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada.  It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time.  After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly​ who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.

After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you.  It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence.  My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror.  We are being tortured, and torture works.  People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock.  People give up, they cave in, and people die.  Even though torture always​ succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here.  But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience.  Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable.  During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution.  Like it or not, that is where we are now.  We are all still enduring the torture.  What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals.  Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now.  At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty.  For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul.  I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions.  This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.  
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within.  Suffice to say that it was a blindside.  The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet.  Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression.  Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding.  Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.  
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more.  All of it was (is?) too painful.  I could (can) barely interact with people.  Who will I be when I come out the other end of this?  How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well.  It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country.  (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?)  Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level.  What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine.  And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life.  Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not​ working and not producing has also been very difficult.  This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing.  I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic).  Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now.  Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂  Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!   
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link.  Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
313
reviews
James Melson
18 May 2022
Polly, we need you over at Truth Social!!! Please make an account under Amazing Polly and get your checkmark!! Please and thank you!!! Hopefully see you there soon @MidwestMayhem
Valerie
26 Apr 2022
Polly, We are all family for you! Sounds like ai- some refer as TI's. If this is the case all advise could help. There is a financial component not covered or known. One meal a day/ keto/ or carnivore diet will help. Email me and maybe we can figure it out. Val
Andrea Beatty
26 Apr 2022
Hi Polly. As I read your words, they totally resonate throughout my whole body and soul. I feel such a deep sense of grief about our country, how so many around me (my friends, family, community) have fallen for the BS and continue to believe MSM that it sometimes feels not real. I seesaw from acceptance to outright anger and outrage when I see and hear people I love wear the masks, get the jabs, and take the tests. It's all so crazy right now, but it is so refreshing to know there are others out there who feel the same. God bless you and your family, and may we all get through this with grace and ease.
Hans van Buitenen
26 Apr 2022
Hi Polly, this sounds like PTSD, shell-shock or anything like that. You are probably both brave and sensitive. Please learn to be aware of your limitations towards what your spirit can bare. You really need to. I pray to God that he will lead you onward and give you wisdom. Try not to let anger and bitterness slip in. God will deal with them later, and if you dare looking at how... i do not wish that for even my worst enemies, so relax a bit. You sight will probably return if you do.
Blessings, Hans.
Cristy Petersen
26 Apr 2022
So glad you are alright!
I was worried about you(somebody taking you OUT), and nowI feel tears you are still alive! yOU ARE SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! We share the same symptoms, I am exhausted! You are not alone! -Cristy, Spokane,Washington State
John Millward
25 Apr 2022
Dear Polly, please read for your health and those close to you.
https://essentialoiltherapy.org/en/naturally_negate_the_vax.php
Use Pine, Laurel, Niaouli, Patchouli, or Ravensara on the wrists each day. Or at the very least drink a herbal tea which includes anise or fennel.
Love what you do, loved your rant against the compliant. and I need you to stay safe. love and joy. John
Christina
25 Apr 2022
Sorry, I mistyped. I meant endmyopia.org. : )
Christina
25 Apr 2022
Hi Polly,

You might consider checking out endmyopia.com; and also getting some quality, researched eye health supplements.

I am also grieving. I can relate.

I am praying for God to give you comfort, healing, strength, peace, His joy, His love, and whatever else you need, and to be your rock so that you can stand firm like in Ephesians 6.

I put "eyes on Jesus so you do not lose heart " into a search on the startpage.com search engine, and some encouraging verses and articles came up for me. Perhaps something like that will encourage you, too. Jesus cares, and He never leaves us or forsakes us. I hope you have a good day.
Previous 1 2 3 ... Next
Back to content