I'm Still Alive and Free

I'm Still Alive and Free

Just a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.

I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )

Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.

After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.

Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)

Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.

Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.

In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.

In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?

Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.

As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.

As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!

Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.

God bless,

Polly

314

reviews

truthbknown

19 Apr 2022

Oh Polly, once again I thank you for your brutally honest truth.....the toll is great for the simple reason that we are, after all is said done human.
We are not immune and heartbreak is very real. By taking time away to heal yourself is the most unselfish thing you could of done.
You have shown me the true meaning courage!!!
Much love and respect

Hips

19 Apr 2022

Great to see you back Polly 🙏🙏🙏

leashia hoehn

19 Apr 2022

Aww!! I’m so sorry to hear of your current situation. We never know the curve ball that will be hurling towards us at any moment. I was making a snowman and all the sudden my back went out. I was laid up and this was the beginning of one slap up side the head after another. I still feel beaten. I get up and keep trying because we are strong and we have our faith. You will conquer this~ hang in there you are loved by so many ♥️🌺🌹

PJ Fleischer

19 Apr 2022

Thank you Polly.

Lisa Mayer

19 Apr 2022

Hello Polly

We are all human including those that lead the way through evil and devastation. I too have been completely overwhelmed at what's going on in the world and especially in Canada. Food shortages, dictatorship, and even a suspected financial crash later this year. I deleted my FB, Twitter and my LinkedIn (corrupt too). I follow certain people or independent news sources via Rumble, Geytr, and Bitchute however even that can be overwhelming especially when we have taken the red pill. I broke down in tears the other day (again) about our future.No matter what I'm trying to "live" my life now focusing on my fur babies, creating and making art, and other crafty endeavors and focusing on building my own garden (preparing for food shortages). So I completely understand your absence. I'm sure everyone who has taken the red pill and know what's truly going on have also had their moments. We all need to stick together.

Polly St. George

19 Apr 2022

HELLO everyone!
Thank you all for the wonderful comments, emails, etc. I am incredibly grateful to all of you and your words really helped me. I wish I could directly reply to people but this web site's comment program is pretty crap, TBH, and there is no reply feature.
ANYWAY, I've just made a new video that you can watch if you'd like. Uploaded to Rumble and Bitchute. PLEASE NOTE that I am not NOT NOT on Telegram. Those accounts are impostors.
Scroll to the very bottom of any page on this web site and click on the big icons for Gab, Rumble and Bitchute. Those are my accounts. :)
God bless you all .. have faith. We will prevail in the end. Stay strong.
Polly

Mantid Nomo

19 Apr 2022

In the 'better safe than sorry' category, I want to quickly state the obvious from someone with similar difficulty: An alternative way to deal with the vision problem is to buy a big screen monitor, attach it to your computer, and just make everything BIG.

Just Jan

19 Apr 2022

Please post just a 1 minute or less vid on Bitchute and Rumble with a link to this website. All kinds of speculation in the comments - imaginations running wild! Of course you have every right to a break - but we need to see you to really believe you’re alright - even then I won’t be 100% sure but would help.

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