I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly​ who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always​ succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not​ working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
madlyn carew
18 Apr 2022
Hugs to you 🤗 I have faithfully watched all your videos , they were a bright light for me in these dark years. Your authenticity and research are the best out there! Look out for number one.
Ellen mccain
18 Apr 2022
Please please take care of yourself, as you ver very much needed in these crazy, evil times! I’ve learned so much from your research and videos since I found your site two plus years ago. It has been enlightening, for me! My prayers are with you for healing, both physical and emotional. I look for your videos regularly, and some how knew something was wrong. Thank you for posting so we know you are there! Best wishes.
Maria H
18 Apr 2022
Dear Polly please take care of yourself. We do miss you but your health is more important Thank you for all your hard work. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending greetings and much love from Ireland xx
Ingo
18 Apr 2022
I only want to say:
Thank You for Your phantastic support... ;o)
Greetings from Germany/TH
Thank You for Your phantastic support... ;o)
Greetings from Germany/TH
Barbara Hallahan
18 Apr 2022
Polly, I am relieved to hear you are concentrating on healing yourself. You have offered so much to so many but did not take enough time for yourself. We always are attacked at the spot we use/need the most, hence your eyes are challenged. Feldenkrais developed very good exercizes for healing different body parts and systems. Have a look at his eye exercises. https://www.feldenkraisguild.com/article_content.asp?edition=1§ion=29&article=136
God has blessed you and will continue to do so.
Like you, I have been through a few very punishing times that brought understanding and the ability to better see the beauty and miracles around us, but would not wish the pain required to gain the gifts on others.
God has blessed you and will continue to do so.
Like you, I have been through a few very punishing times that brought understanding and the ability to better see the beauty and miracles around us, but would not wish the pain required to gain the gifts on others.
Lauren
18 Apr 2022
You are a godsend and not only contributed to Red pilling many people myself included you are always real I loved when I saw a video of you having a drink and smoking a cigarette and just talking I think you're so intelligent and articulate and if I has been able to retain half the things I've learned from you I am okay with that. I can't even imagine the overload of information you must have like a lot of us but you work very hard to get us all these truths and lay it out in such an easy to follow away so whatever you're going through in your personal life you seem like a very intelligent person so whenever you're ready to come back I know I'll be checking in to see if you I posted another video and you certainly didn't owe anybody an explanation but you also seem very kind and empathetic and appreciative to your fan base. Hang in there people help the people thank you for helping so many people understand what's really going on!!!
Julia Farkas
18 Apr 2022
I know we are winning and I want to be in my best shape once we won most of our freedoms because I will be even busier than today. If by any chance we don't win, it's even more important that I am in the best shape of my life. I follow the news every day and everything that happens confirms that we are winning, so I can peacefully do my job, take care of my family and my own body. I was never so happy as in the past 2 years because these were the years when I finally saw the light. It was very dark before March 2020. Take care of yourself first! We love you and appreciate you.
Lisa Greene
18 Apr 2022
Polly, I've had vision problems too! And weakness. I can't get over this cough. I'm feeling tired and depressed. I'm fighting it too because I know they want to see us suffer.
Hang in there. Take that break. Refresh, recharge...
Hang in there. Take that break. Refresh, recharge...