I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
313
reviews
Barbara Sherman
25 Apr 2022
Hi Polly, I use blue light glasses all the time online. $25 at Best Buy, I even wear them over reading glasses. Hope that helps. Best wishes, you rock lady!
Veri Tas
24 Apr 2022
Dear Polly,
I feel so much for you and I can say that your grieving process was just like mine, with pretty much the same emotional results.
I am an artist and I've been really slow to produce any art for quite a while. That energy sapping process for those who are awake to the lies and evil of this world has taken me over, too.
There seems to be no end in sight and your torture analogy is spot on! However, like you, I will never submit or give up. I will fight the New Normal to the death. Better to die for a cause than live on your knees is my motto.
Please take your time to restore your emotional resilience and know that your internet friends (on BitChute) will not abandon you.
May I be so fresh to suggest how you can help your eyes retain their visual acuity and address the strain from researching so much? Here is a good supplement that could help (I do not have any stake in any company selling supplements): https://amzn.to/38gAfbx
Best wishes
Veri
I feel so much for you and I can say that your grieving process was just like mine, with pretty much the same emotional results.
I am an artist and I've been really slow to produce any art for quite a while. That energy sapping process for those who are awake to the lies and evil of this world has taken me over, too.
There seems to be no end in sight and your torture analogy is spot on! However, like you, I will never submit or give up. I will fight the New Normal to the death. Better to die for a cause than live on your knees is my motto.
Please take your time to restore your emotional resilience and know that your internet friends (on BitChute) will not abandon you.
May I be so fresh to suggest how you can help your eyes retain their visual acuity and address the strain from researching so much? Here is a good supplement that could help (I do not have any stake in any company selling supplements): https://amzn.to/38gAfbx
Best wishes
Veri
Brandon Heller
24 Apr 2022
Thank you, Polly. My 87-year-old mom asks me if you've posted any new videos. She finds your work, inspiring and it gives her hope. I'm also in a strange place, mentally. In your absence, I've been listening to Russell Brand, but she can't understand a word he says. She understands Canadian English though. I'm inspired by your videos and want to disseminate my own, but have not produced any public videos thus far. You are loved and missed! Take all the time you need to re-center yourself though because you must be centered/grounded to accomplish God's work. Truth is His work. It's all that matters. Truth is the work. You are true. Truth resonates and we seek and want to hear more of it but we can be too demanding of one person. God will turn your absence to good though, as more of your listeners find their own voice.
I think Canada has been through a shocking experience. Your country is not what you (Canadians) believed it was. There's some soft earth between your island and the solidity of the Canadian shield. When earth-shaking events happen, liquefaction can occur, but eventually, your island will rest on a firm foundation again. That granite is down there, soon your island will rest firmly upon it. I hope you have a very loud megaphone when that happens. The real you is amazing!
I think Canada has been through a shocking experience. Your country is not what you (Canadians) believed it was. There's some soft earth between your island and the solidity of the Canadian shield. When earth-shaking events happen, liquefaction can occur, but eventually, your island will rest on a firm foundation again. That granite is down there, soon your island will rest firmly upon it. I hope you have a very loud megaphone when that happens. The real you is amazing!
Narnie
24 Apr 2022
I have to say that dealing with lies and exposing them, is very hard on us. I'm glad your on the mend...I believe that you were meant to bring light to us. You know who is the bigger light, well its Jesus...hold on to HIM....He will guide you. Take care of yourself and be patient with yourself...we fought the good fight and we will continue, till the darkness in this country is gone! God be willing...Canadians will see how beautiful the words , the laws of God are and they were MEANT to protect us. !
Laura D.
23 Apr 2022
Dear Polly,
I totally feel you!!
I know how unsettling it can be to have your safe place/people rocked to the core and especially to have it NOT STOP ROCKING!! Likely you and I have had the same "end of the rope" feeling of late. In my case, finally getting into my car and crying out loud to God, "LORD, PLEASE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, please God help my family and me, I have things to do that just may mean something and I can not focus or settle and accomplish them"..... well, He heard me!!! Within minutes my sister Diane called me and a sweet friend who'd moved away (both out of the blue)! Through them the Lord reached down and caressed me with their words, prayers and love and so His response to my desperate cry was immediate, direct and clear. 1Peter 5:10 says it all!
What you do is much more vital than what I do day to day but it is He who called both you and I in the first place and it is He (Himself only) who will perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish us each into our perfect and special place in His almighty plan! Have it out with Him and pour out your heart and then get out of the way and just watch Him do what He promised He would a thousand times in a thousand different ways. So, give in to Him but never, never, ever give up!!
With much love and admiration!!
Laura
I totally feel you!!
I know how unsettling it can be to have your safe place/people rocked to the core and especially to have it NOT STOP ROCKING!! Likely you and I have had the same "end of the rope" feeling of late. In my case, finally getting into my car and crying out loud to God, "LORD, PLEASE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, please God help my family and me, I have things to do that just may mean something and I can not focus or settle and accomplish them"..... well, He heard me!!! Within minutes my sister Diane called me and a sweet friend who'd moved away (both out of the blue)! Through them the Lord reached down and caressed me with their words, prayers and love and so His response to my desperate cry was immediate, direct and clear. 1Peter 5:10 says it all!
What you do is much more vital than what I do day to day but it is He who called both you and I in the first place and it is He (Himself only) who will perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish us each into our perfect and special place in His almighty plan! Have it out with Him and pour out your heart and then get out of the way and just watch Him do what He promised He would a thousand times in a thousand different ways. So, give in to Him but never, never, ever give up!!
With much love and admiration!!
Laura
Em
23 Apr 2022
Welcome back Polly! IMHO we all need to take breaks away from the insanity and all the bad news we are fed 24/7, to take care od our mental and spiritual selves. I have to do this weekly and it helps me to stay well. I have to let you know that you are an inspiration to many and your courage and strength are humbling. Please take care of yourself. You are correct in reading the comments that you have an amazing community to support you.
There is a new grassroots initiative (to counter the WEF's 4th Industrial Revolution) that is beginning, and it gives me hope. These are people who refuse to let big tech run our lives as we look for ways to re-connect humanity across the impossibly painful divide that has separated us increasingly from each other, separated us from our hearts, our psyche's, our spirits. We hope to find creative and joyous ways to unplug from our devices, and from the coming 5G networks. Hopefully this initiative will be successful. Blessings to you!
There is a new grassroots initiative (to counter the WEF's 4th Industrial Revolution) that is beginning, and it gives me hope. These are people who refuse to let big tech run our lives as we look for ways to re-connect humanity across the impossibly painful divide that has separated us increasingly from each other, separated us from our hearts, our psyche's, our spirits. We hope to find creative and joyous ways to unplug from our devices, and from the coming 5G networks. Hopefully this initiative will be successful. Blessings to you!
Blaine
23 Apr 2022
Dearest Polly,
So very happy to know you are among the living.
Wish I had a magic pill or potion to make September truly a thing of the past.
That said, perhaps a few words of thought may aide in your quest towards resolution:
You are what your deepest desire is.
As is your desire, so is your intention.
As is your intention, so is your will.
As is your will, so is your deed.
As is your deed, so is your destiny.
Speaking on behalf of all who love you and the amazing work you do - you are our inspiration.
With kindest regards,
Blaine
So very happy to know you are among the living.
Wish I had a magic pill or potion to make September truly a thing of the past.
That said, perhaps a few words of thought may aide in your quest towards resolution:
You are what your deepest desire is.
As is your desire, so is your intention.
As is your intention, so is your will.
As is your will, so is your deed.
As is your deed, so is your destiny.
Speaking on behalf of all who love you and the amazing work you do - you are our inspiration.
With kindest regards,
Blaine
Sonja
23 Apr 2022
Dear Polly, I 'know' you from a while back and was just checking in when I discovered you had not posted for a while, and had not been well lately. I very much wish you recovery! From what you write I recognize a lot, except I am blessed to still have my sheltered base. I wish you soon somehow will manage to rebuild one? With regard to the current situation: so difficult to fully experience indeed! People are laughing and eating and playing as if all is well. Hope is springing up again, as if after winter. Hope against hope that we could wake up from just a very bad dream? To see the laughing and playing and hoping, and to know what is actually happening, is nearly impossible to bear. And it is not that humanity was not warned (Little Red Riding Hood, the story, forewarned and told ALL already! (in 2017 I felt we were en masse in the forest picking flowers, but it has been a while now we entered the house that we thought we knew, but that now felt so strange, walking towards that bed, seeing but not recognizing who lays there..). My own eyes are now also blurry, and am living in a haze for the last 3 weeks now, improvising with one eye, and glasses. But the eye thing, even if inconvenient, is not the main thing. It is that all is tupsy turvey. People's hope, for the most part, has been so utterly misplaced. Where I am it will be Easter tomorrow. REAL Hope, and strength, from there! And help from Michael and Saint George!