I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Leslie Lee
14 Apr 2022
Oh how I share your pain...have wanted to say so many things to you. First let me begin by saying that there is a very real possibility that what you are experiencing is 5g related. 5g is a directed energy weapon that they can raise and lower the frequency while selecting a specific location in which to modulate. So they can take the coordinates of a location and then depending upon if you are in or out of the cabal, modulate accordingly. In my case for example it is elevated. I think that is a very real possibility in your case also. I discovered a few days ago that nekther Brussels or Geneva have installed it as they claim there isn't enough data with reguard to its effect on the body. Interesting right? I have felt like crap (already was) since they flipped the switch, which was also the very same day they claimed the virus was in the city (just in time for the PCR chips I figure). They needed the 5g to bring their new "trans-humanists" online and to power the nanobots in the mystery serum. But yeah, it's a directed energy weapon. So you need to purchace a EMF/RF gause meter and see where you fall in the microwave radiation frequency spectrum to know for sure what setting they have your oven set at. You can find them on Ebay. Have much more to share if you have interest. Happy Easter 🥚🥚🐇✝️😇
Mike E
14 Apr 2022
Hi Polly
Thank you for the update. I, like many others have been missing you. Take the time you need. We will be waiting
I heard a saying today . There can be many reasons to be angry , yet only need one reason to be grateful.
I like many are struggling through this crazy time. My eyesight is getting worse and it’s very frustrating. That’s just one thing. Anyway it’s really hard right now, for many
Stay strong . Stay in touch, and know we are here. Keep us as close as you need
Love Mike
Thank you for the update. I, like many others have been missing you. Take the time you need. We will be waiting
I heard a saying today . There can be many reasons to be angry , yet only need one reason to be grateful.
I like many are struggling through this crazy time. My eyesight is getting worse and it’s very frustrating. That’s just one thing. Anyway it’s really hard right now, for many
Stay strong . Stay in touch, and know we are here. Keep us as close as you need
Love Mike
Ann (Mamarhino)
14 Apr 2022
What a great reminder to help us get more in to the sympathetic and stop the fight to flight response. Reacting is something I need to remember to not do, and, like learning to drive, will soon become muscle memory and we can think about other things while still being serene. See you around sister.
marcus fain
14 Apr 2022
Unlimited true benefits to you from any true sources of benefits, however that works. Enjoy your time of refreshing and recovery. :-)
Jo Anne Mendonsa
14 Apr 2022
I am so thankful you are safe…and so glad you checked in. I can’t begin to imagine the overwhelming burden you carry. I will be in continual prayer for you and your family. Hugs!❤️
Terri Putnam
14 Apr 2022
You are an amazing woman. By woman I mean born with childbearing capable genitalia etc., etc.
Glad to hear you are doing what it takes to care for yourself. I miss your in-depth reports and lovely smile. Do come back when you are able. God Bless
Glad to hear you are doing what it takes to care for yourself. I miss your in-depth reports and lovely smile. Do come back when you are able. God Bless
Ordinary Joe
14 Apr 2022
Thanks for checking in, was getting worried.
Jon C. McGee
13 Apr 2022
Very impressed with your work and spirit. Sorry for your dis-ease, it gets to us all. You have an open invitation to come to our off-the-grid farm in an enlightened rural district on the Big Island. Maybe paradise is where you need to be. Anyway, best wishes!