I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
C Beth Frawley
09 Apr 2022
Polly, your work has had an enormous impact and I am thankful for all I have learned (as horrifying as it has been) through all of your research. I am grateful for you and will be praying that God's Holy Spirit will continue to minister to you, body, soul and spirit. Without the hope and light of Christ, the ugly truth would be more than any of us could take. It is overwhelming. Blessings and Peace in Christ to you and your family. I wish I could give you a hug!
Sam & Leslie
09 Apr 2022
Hi Polly! My wife and I just found you--are we Johnny-come-latelys or what--during the Trucker Protests. You are about our age I reckon, and we really both love to listen to your investigative journalism. It's getting so hard to find intelligent, and reasonable, and moral people in this world. We often joke about how we've slipped into an alternate timeline. You are a very grounding presence and we would both like to let you know that we value your work and think highly of you.
Depression is a serious monkey on ones' back, and if it's over an impending medical condition it must feel like being slow walked to the hangman's gallows. Just please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are all bearing a heavy cross these days. Evil is having a field day. We both feel that World War II was, ultimately, an easier thing to get through than what we are dealing with today. Take the time you need, but please know that we are ONE FIST for decency and freedom, and you are our favorite middle finger to these Kleptocrats! Stay in the fight Polly. You are NOT ALONE!
Depression is a serious monkey on ones' back, and if it's over an impending medical condition it must feel like being slow walked to the hangman's gallows. Just please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are all bearing a heavy cross these days. Evil is having a field day. We both feel that World War II was, ultimately, an easier thing to get through than what we are dealing with today. Take the time you need, but please know that we are ONE FIST for decency and freedom, and you are our favorite middle finger to these Kleptocrats! Stay in the fight Polly. You are NOT ALONE!
Mary
09 Apr 2022
My thoughts and prayers are with you Polly.
John 16:33 "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33 "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
alison
09 Apr 2022
lol, i get the self-indulgence concern, but this explanation IS exactly why i have come to your website for the first time ever, today. i only knew you through rumble and at this point wanted to know if you were okay, so thank you for all this information. praying for you. i can relate in my own ways on every level. thanks for taking the time to let us know whats going on. i agree its literal torture. everything is being thrown in the fire and we do spend time watching to see what is going to come out intact. but i am learning, through this tedious trial, that if we keep sowing seeds elsewhere as it burns, we will still have new growth all the time. praying for you!
Narita
09 Apr 2022
Oh Polly,
I'm so sorry to hear about your eyes and the other sad things you didn't mention. You've been on my mind quite a bit lately and I'm glad you posted. I still wish we were neighbors. We'd sit in your pretty garden and have wine (I bet you'd choose a beer) and I'd give you cheerful big hugs and we would smile, reminding each other that even though this is rough, we WILL get through it. We can lead others to the light, but if they keep their eyes closed and get mad at us, there's nothing we can do to change them.
Thank you again Polly for all your videos. You, Dr. Vernon Coleman and Judy Mikovitz were the ones that I found in March 2020. I'll forever be grateful to you for the peace of mind you gave me. Polly, that's a huge thing. Tears well up as I reflect.
My best friend of 40 yrs and I haven't seen eye to eye since then and are no longer friends. I just had to set it in my mind that the friendship is a casualty of war.
All will be fine in Heaven. And really, time here is short, in the big scheme of things.
Anyway, big hugs and much love to you 💗
Narita
I'm so sorry to hear about your eyes and the other sad things you didn't mention. You've been on my mind quite a bit lately and I'm glad you posted. I still wish we were neighbors. We'd sit in your pretty garden and have wine (I bet you'd choose a beer) and I'd give you cheerful big hugs and we would smile, reminding each other that even though this is rough, we WILL get through it. We can lead others to the light, but if they keep their eyes closed and get mad at us, there's nothing we can do to change them.
Thank you again Polly for all your videos. You, Dr. Vernon Coleman and Judy Mikovitz were the ones that I found in March 2020. I'll forever be grateful to you for the peace of mind you gave me. Polly, that's a huge thing. Tears well up as I reflect.
My best friend of 40 yrs and I haven't seen eye to eye since then and are no longer friends. I just had to set it in my mind that the friendship is a casualty of war.
All will be fine in Heaven. And really, time here is short, in the big scheme of things.
Anyway, big hugs and much love to you 💗
Narita
Rhona
09 Apr 2022
Polly. I am crying. I don't want you hurting. I have watched you for 2 years and we have so few Canadians giving us the truth. I will be praying for you. I have heard this year is (2022) or 2020YOU. So tell God want you want him to do this year. I have heard this from a number of the Prophets. I believe this will be a very good year for all of us as God has had enough of this evil. I just want to hug you and tell you that you will be alright. I have so.... appreciated all your work & videos. Sending love & hugs 💜Rhona from Calgary.
Dale Yeryk
09 Apr 2022
Even if your well-being dictates that you can not return .... You've changed your beautiful Country for the better and your influence and intelligence has set the new standard for the Canadian Citizen to follow and hold themselves to . When the Order of Canada gets baptised you should be first in line . The Order of Canada .... Polly St.George .
Shell
09 Apr 2022
Hi Polly,
I am so very thankful for everything that you do. During the lockdown where I live, boy was I struggling. Not much of our home life changed because my husband and I are self employed and we are homeschool parents as well. But the uncertainty of life did hit us unexpectantly, which is when I started doing research for my family. I started learning new skills which I love learning. I have had to learn other new ways of cooking which I feel is a staple of survival. My daughter and I have been brainstorming a lot of different things. She has always said that she kills all plants, but I managed to get her to do a science fair project on growing vegetable plants in various external conditions. She is so very excited that she has busy beans growing in the living room. I have been doing my best to learn something new everyday. My goal right now is to teach her how to sew, she wants to be able to make her own clothes. Now that I am taking time with her, for myself I would like to learn how to make candles. I know that it will take a lot of time, but in the big scheme of things it will help not only us but my neighbors and our birth family as well. The optimistic viewpoint that I have is what does not kill me makes me stronger. Hang in there, you are so strong and do not ever give in. We love your videos & will be praying for you and your health.
I am so very thankful for everything that you do. During the lockdown where I live, boy was I struggling. Not much of our home life changed because my husband and I are self employed and we are homeschool parents as well. But the uncertainty of life did hit us unexpectantly, which is when I started doing research for my family. I started learning new skills which I love learning. I have had to learn other new ways of cooking which I feel is a staple of survival. My daughter and I have been brainstorming a lot of different things. She has always said that she kills all plants, but I managed to get her to do a science fair project on growing vegetable plants in various external conditions. She is so very excited that she has busy beans growing in the living room. I have been doing my best to learn something new everyday. My goal right now is to teach her how to sew, she wants to be able to make her own clothes. Now that I am taking time with her, for myself I would like to learn how to make candles. I know that it will take a lot of time, but in the big scheme of things it will help not only us but my neighbors and our birth family as well. The optimistic viewpoint that I have is what does not kill me makes me stronger. Hang in there, you are so strong and do not ever give in. We love your videos & will be praying for you and your health.