I'm Still Alive and Free

I'm Still Alive and Free

Just a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.

I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )

Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.

After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.

Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)

Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.

Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.

In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.

In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?

Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.

As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.

As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!

Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.

God bless,

Polly

314

reviews

Danielle

09 Apr 2022

Dear Polly, I'm really glad that you posted something. I have been worried about you. I pray for you and all those who are fighting to expose the truth, fight the evil and fight for faith, family, life, country and health. You and your videos have been a godsend to me. I have family members that are on complete opposite page of me although some are coming around. It has been a lonely two years. I'll continue to pray for your health and healing. May God bless you always!

Katie B

09 Apr 2022

Polly, I'm glad you posted this. I wasn't too worried as it seemed to me that you needed a break and the work you do steeps you in black-hearted negativity that cannot be good for your mental and physical health over time. Also, the constant anxious situations whenever going out in public can't help. I had become largely a shut-in over the last couple of years, ordering everything delivered to my home to avoid the populace who cannot deal with my unwillingness to submit to these arbitrary and preposterous "health protocols". I have since started going out more (though I am barred from many places). Nevertheless there is always that nagging wonder.... will I have to fight a verbal battle to get served? I am glad you are feeling better. I had better than 20/20 vision before covid but I can no longer see things close up. I can still read a sign a mile away but reading and working now requires glasses. It has been frustrating in the extreme and I do wonder if the 5G I'm bathing in day in and day out has had a contributing effect. I wish you a quick recovery. I followed your good friend Mrs. Smith on twitter to see what she has to say. Take care and God bless.

colin noble

09 Apr 2022

It seems like you are having your own reset Polly. I'm sure that you will pick up the bit once you are ready too then we can enjoy your ability to deep dive and research :)

Wil

09 Apr 2022

Fantastic what you have given us all in terms of information. It has given us a better understanding of what kind of world we live in and have been able to form our opinions about it.
Thank you for that.

Now for your eyes. Are you familiar with the New Germanic Medicine?
Check it out at https://learninggnm.com/home.html

It explains the cause of your eye problems and the recovery phase.
With the GNM, a whole new world opens up to you regarding illness and healing.

Hopefully it will help you, giving you peace and energy again.
Thanks and good luck.

Cathy Eppler

09 Apr 2022

Thank you for sharing your struggles molly. My prayers are with you. I pray that god bless you and heals you in the coming days.

Kiki

09 Apr 2022

I hear you and I appreciate you. It's been over a month since you've posted so I felt compelled to check here. We may not know each other in person, but your videos have helped me tremendously over the last 2 years and I feel like something is missing when I don't get my usual dose lol. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad to know you're still around. I've been going through hell myself the last decade so I can sympathize with everything you've described. The great awakening is upon us and many are feeling it manifest on several levels. It hasn't been easy, to say the least, especially when health is affected. My faith gets me through the darkest of times and I hope that you will find strength there as well. Stay strong, you got this! God bless you always!

Robert Scranton

09 Apr 2022

Much Love. Thank you for the update.

Collider

09 Apr 2022

...disabled the wifi in my house. That constant bombardment of EMFs can mess with you too, apparently. I definitely feel less fatigued. I don't know if you have heard of Dr. Amandha Dawn Vollmer, she is a fellow Canadian and Naturopath. She offers some great healing advice at her website and I am sure would welcome a call or email from you. She is a truth warrior cut from the same cloth as you that has helped many regain and sustain wellness.

You can find her at: https://yummy.doctor/

Thanks again, Polly.

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