It's All Fun and Games Until Somebody Loses an 'I'
Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t uploaded a video in a couple of weeks. I’m writing now to ask you to be patient with me and to tell you that I’m doing okay, not to worry. In this letter to you I’d like to explain a few things and give you a peek into my past and present. I’ve been asked many times about my research methods, and it’s been speculated here and there on the internet that I must have partners because, quote, “there’s no way she can do that all by herself.” Well, here’s the truth.
I do work alone and except for the odd article here and there that people have sent me via email I get my own leads and follow my own instincts to gather every piece of information that I use in my videos. I make all the graphics and do all the editing. Personally I don’t see why this is so unbelievable to anyone. I think the reason it may seem so is because I can draw on a wealth of material quite quickly and I have a wide range of knowledge in a variety of subject areas across a fairly long span of history. This is because of my past habits, not necessarily because of any unique methods of research.
Before I began posting videos in about March 2016 I had been an artist – a painter. Visual artists can tell you that this work is somewhat meditative and as such it is conducive to learning. While my hands and a part of my brain were occupied by the canvas I would listen to audiobooks, interviews and lectures on a wide variety of topics. It so happened that I had always been interested in ‘high weirdness’ so at first those were the topics I gravitated to before moving on to try to gain a deeper understanding of the world around me.
But I have to go back in time for a minute.
As a girl of 12 or 13 I read Erich Von Daniken’s Chariots of the Gods which blew my mind. A couple of years later I got to hear a friend’s family discussions about the unusual elements of the Kennedy Assassination and the Moon Landings which introduced me to the idea that recent history might not be what it seems. Part of my university education alerted me to the various ways in which ‘science’ had been and continued to be used to shape cultures and societies (this was before universities became indoctrination centers for the official narratives). My curiosity was always active, but after I left school and became a mother a lot of that got put on the back burner as my time and energy were monopolized by full time work, home maintenance and child rearing.
When my child got a little older and no longer needed (nor wanted) much of my attention I took up painting again and combined this with the wonders of the internet. I began with forbidden archeology and the mysteries of Egypt – these were fascinating to me as I marveled at all that was hidden from mainstream education. Most of all I wondered why. Why was the scope of education so repetitive and boring when there were so many things they could be bringing to students!?
After I ventured down those paths I began to look at the terror attacks of 9/11.
9/11 led me somehow to MKUltra, and then the Franklin Cover-Up. Then Operation Paperclip, Aaron Russo, Bill Cooper, Max Igan, Alex Jones, Central Banking, etc etc. In short I started to see the Matrix, and was beginning to learn how to read it.
After I gorged myself on those topics I went deeper and began listening to speakers and lecturers in biology, psychology, history, economics, religion, mathematics, energy – these things were often way above my head but over the years I learned the vocabulary, then the theories, the findings and finally could see the interconnectedness of these disciplines. In fact I began to feel that I saw the interconnectedness better than any of the individual specialists I was learning from. They were siloed, myopic. I wasn’t.
The frustration I began to encounter was that I had absolutely nowhere to discuss any of this. Inside I was very well read and had so many intellectual curiosities but in day-to-day life I was Mom, wife, daughter, pal, office drone who should know her place and stop talking about “weird, boring, irrelevant scary” things and stick to picking out tiles for the new bathroom or admiring the tiles someone else had recently installed.
Thankfully at that time I still found common ground with most people in my life. Indeed we *could* still talk about bathroom tiles … or vacations, movies, music, cooking, home renovation projects, etc without any trouble. For a long while I managed my ‘double life’ keeping my research life private like a spy would have to do but still enjoying the company of friends, family and society.
As I learned more I could see more patterns - I could project into the future, so to speak. That’s when things became troublesome for me. I felt I could see where society was heading and this naturally affected the way I planned, the way I communicated. It put up barriers between me and the people around me though I wasn’t really aware of it at the time. All I knew was that sometimes, for seemingly no reason, I would trigger people into blank stares or shock or (worst of all) “concern” for my well being. You see, I kept forgetting that they didn’t know the things I knew. I must have sounded like an alien to them, or a stranger, or even just a worry wart who was harshing their mellow instead of cheering them on for taking out a reverse mortgage (or some such dangerous credit instrument.)
Believe me, many were the times I’d stop and ask myself if I was the problem. Was I being indoctrinated into some kind of cult or being groomed into semi-insanity through the media I was consuming? Because although I felt perfectly sane I could feel a shift happening – a divide opening up between myself and the culture I’d always lived in and thrived on. To this day I perform these reality checks. I ask “What do I know *for sure?*” Back then the answers ranged from “I know house prices are skyrocketing for no valid reason and this is Big Trouble.” Or “I know the culture is beginning to become toxic.” Or “I know they are actively eliminating Christianity from the public sphere.” Or “I know they are lying about 9/11 and if they’ll lie about that what won’t they lie about?” I also knew that 99% of the people around me couldn’t see any of that, and they didn’t want to see.
In 2022, amid all the noise and fearmongering the answer which keeps me grounded is:
“I know that they are trying to force people to take an experimental genetic therapy and I know they are censoring a great deal of information and opinion.”
That’s enough for me to understand that my questioning mind is still sane and my concern is righteous.
Okay – what does any of this have to do with me not producing videos at the moment?
The problem is twofold.
1. It’s been years now since I have had the chance to paint, listen and learn.
Over the past 4 years my well of inspiration has run dry as I’ve chased the news and put together timely videos. When I began publishing deep dives I was still nourished by all those years of immersing myself in the words and ideas of learned people combined with my original findings and linkages. Now, I am saturated by mere sound bites –opinion columns, tweets and tabloid videos. Those are not nourishment, those are vending machine snacks. Without wanting to sound over-dramatic the word that comes to mind when I think about all of this is ‘poisoned.’
In short: I first need to detox, then take time to feed my mind, soul and body better intellectual and spiritual food. I am doing that now and loving it. (see pic for my current endeavours)
2. Once again I seem to be alone in my understanding of what’s going on. That’s not to say that I’m right and everyone else is wrong, it’s meant to say that my own perspective on it is not the same as others.’ More and more lately my ‘take’ on things is at odds with the general consensus on every side. Further, since I am a genuine person who doesn’t like to paper-over my feelings for the sake of going-along, I am finding it difficult to produce work that will inform/uplift my audience. Judging from the letters I receive I don’t believe people need any more speculation or bad news and in some ways that’s all I’d have to offer if I were to go online with my thoughts. In short: I don’t know what to say or how to say it right now.
Finally I will admit that there are personal reasons why I am silent at the moment. I would like to live my life in accordance with my inner guidance system but for various reasons I can’t move forward and I’m struggling to chart a course. I am working to overcome that but man oh man these are some tricky waters to navigate. Some days I feel I might drown, others I sail on calm seas. I’m sure you all share this experience.
I will return with videos as soon as I can.
In the meantime I’m keeping my website updated with material from around the internet and hope you’ll find those items informative and interesting.
God bless you all.
Polly
265
reviews
Sylvia Louise
25 Jan 2022
God bless TROY Polly, I and my best friend (over 60yrs) have been listeners and admirers and we're becoming quite concernered with your absence. Take good care, carry on in your way and stay blessed and strong xo
Nola
25 Jan 2022
Polly it must be the season. I to have decided to pull back and smell the roses, I thought maybe you were a trained journalist, you have taught me so much about this crazy world where I felt alone and dismissed. Finally the people around me are changing and questioning and I have resources, and knowledge to pass on. I hope you're fully tuning out and renewing your spirit. You are so loved and appreciated! Thank you!
natalie
25 Jan 2022
Well thats what I came here for, to make sure you hadn't been scooped up and were locked away in a government concentration camp unable to communicate with the outside world. Its pleasing to know that you are simply taking time out and concentrating on some well earned 'me time' because we all need to do that or we could lose our minds very quickly. So glad to know you are okay, God bless you Polly, you are one of my favourites xx
John
25 Jan 2022
Thanks Polly for your honesty and perspectives.
I won't take up much space or time here, but I completely resonate with what you're expressing. We live in the "Now- and not yet" dealing with the mess that is here Right Now and waiting on what we know is coming soon. I recommend "The Chosen" ( thechosen.tv ) as a great view into Jesus- who is the ultimate contrast to today/our leaders. By the time you reach season 1 episode 3, I think you'll be hooked. I think there are many of us who no longer fit in- and for me, my solstice is Music. Time to get off of the computer and on the guitar.
Blessings,
John
I won't take up much space or time here, but I completely resonate with what you're expressing. We live in the "Now- and not yet" dealing with the mess that is here Right Now and waiting on what we know is coming soon. I recommend "The Chosen" ( thechosen.tv ) as a great view into Jesus- who is the ultimate contrast to today/our leaders. By the time you reach season 1 episode 3, I think you'll be hooked. I think there are many of us who no longer fit in- and for me, my solstice is Music. Time to get off of the computer and on the guitar.
Blessings,
John
Daphne
25 Jan 2022
God bless you too Polly! Thank you for the update. I'm trying to balance learning about all the lies with some painting time as well. It is a struggle for sure, but I can no longer put my head in the sand and pretend it's not happening. The really good thing about the last two years is that I have gone out of my way to meet likeminded people at protests/rallies, coffee times, non-compliant gatherings. I've met more people in the last two years than the previous decade. Such good people out there, and it is so good to be supportive of each others mental health. Keep on truckin' with whatever God has put before you to do. Love, from Alberta!
aprilbeth
25 Jan 2022
Thank you for everything you do, Polly.
I just finished reading the above post. I feel that you are describing my life for the past year or so. I feel I am living two lives too. The one life that the world sees-shallow and holding back what I truly think. And the other life where I am wide awake and I cannot unsee what my eyes have seen and my mind now understands.
Thank God I have two sisters who woke up about the same time I did and I can really talk things over with them.
Yesterday, for the first time, I watched a video on Rumble by TheKateAwakening dated 1/19/2022 and titled "Dark Night of the Soul & The Great Awakening". She described what you are describing and feeling. It really resonated with me and now today I read your post and there you are putting into words a similar situation.
I think all of us can only take so much of the extreme amount of information and the speed at which it is coming at us. It caused me to just about shut down and what I have experienced is maybe a little like what you are now experiencing.
You are on the right track. Sometimes we need to step away and focus on the beauty of life around us. For myself, I have to try to put it all in perspective in the scheme of all time and life. I'm only on this earth with all its craziness for a short time and then... eternity with the LORD!
After I rest and fill myself with the Word and beauty then I'm ready to fight the battle of good and evil once again!
I'm looking forward to your return :)
I just finished reading the above post. I feel that you are describing my life for the past year or so. I feel I am living two lives too. The one life that the world sees-shallow and holding back what I truly think. And the other life where I am wide awake and I cannot unsee what my eyes have seen and my mind now understands.
Thank God I have two sisters who woke up about the same time I did and I can really talk things over with them.
Yesterday, for the first time, I watched a video on Rumble by TheKateAwakening dated 1/19/2022 and titled "Dark Night of the Soul & The Great Awakening". She described what you are describing and feeling. It really resonated with me and now today I read your post and there you are putting into words a similar situation.
I think all of us can only take so much of the extreme amount of information and the speed at which it is coming at us. It caused me to just about shut down and what I have experienced is maybe a little like what you are now experiencing.
You are on the right track. Sometimes we need to step away and focus on the beauty of life around us. For myself, I have to try to put it all in perspective in the scheme of all time and life. I'm only on this earth with all its craziness for a short time and then... eternity with the LORD!
After I rest and fill myself with the Word and beauty then I'm ready to fight the battle of good and evil once again!
I'm looking forward to your return :)