I'm Still Alive and Free

I'm Still Alive and Free

Just a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.

I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )

Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.

After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.

Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)

Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.

Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.

In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.

In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?

Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.

As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.

As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!

Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.

God bless,

Polly

314

reviews

Sue

15 Apr 2022

We feel your pain, dear. Remember, you are a reporter. Reporters do what? You are allowed to be sad. But maybe consider a mental ending point. Not for your audience. For you. There’s always faith, hope and kindness. Live there. In the end, our faith is all we really have. You are not alone. I’ll pray for you. You can do it. Have faith.

Grace

15 Apr 2022

Ah, Polly...I so feel for you. I don't know what I would do without my little island. Thank God I still have it. Even on the island some days are tough. Prayers sent your way. I have a broken wrist that healed on its own due to aversity towards health care during covid wave. I lived in Alberta for over 20 years and now we moved to the frontier country of my origin. I love it here in Poland. So much common sense and let live attitude. Our faith shows even though some pretend it is irrelevant nowadays. It is so much easier to live here through this than it is in Canada. I follow what is happening closely. Hugs and prayers sent your eay!

Joe Plasmid

15 Apr 2022

Bless you Polly!!! Best wishes. I miss you :(

Bibi

15 Apr 2022

Glad and happy to hear from you..that you are in a healing process feeling better day by day. God bless you and takes care of you. Take a deep breeze in nature enjoying the spring energy and beautiful creation of God.
You've done so much by helping us to understand clearly the interconnected system of illusion, manipulation and crime against humanity..which now, through truth enlightening us, is being destroyed step by step. Thank you, dear Amazing Polly, With love and peace from Germany

To Lee

15 Apr 2022

Happy to hear you are on the road to recovery. I was very concerned about you and not knowing, we often think the worse. Thank you for your letter. I will keep you in prayer for mental and physical healing. When you continue your journey, I know you will come back stronger than ever. You will always be our Amazing Polly.

Niels Andersen

15 Apr 2022

THANK YOU for the information dear Polly, so many people love you, they do form a island of love energy for your rescue, we are family, right. Please everybody, support our Amazing Polly, she still need to buy food and other essensials for life. With love from Denmark.

Tammy T

15 Apr 2022

Hi Polly, I am sorry to hear about your health issue. You will overcome this, keep your faith! I am praying for you! You were the one who opened my eyes and encouraged me to explore down the rabbit hole. God bless you and thank you for giving us courage to go on. Please keep us posted ❤️

Pete S

15 Apr 2022

Thanks for the note Polly. Yes, we've been concerned about you! You've worked very hard to bring us your work and we are grateful and have also grown to love you. God bless, rest well and get better!

Previous ... 20 21 22 ... Next