I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Shelley Pearson
14 Apr 2022
Dear Polly
So glad you let us know about yourself. I’m glad you’re doing what you need to do for your health. That’s so important that’s what I’ve believed from the beginning. We are responsible for our health it is not someone else’s responsibility or place to tells what to do.
I don’t know you but I find myself caring deeply about you. I won’t be giving you any advice though because you know what you need. I’m grateful for what you have done for me in educating, sharing your personal stories yes sometimes we do need to share those because it gives us a connection and we can build trust in each other. Which is hard right now. Also thank you for bringing some humour to a very trying time. I was introduced to you when I was sent your very funny video of the day you went to Fabricland. I swear you lived in my hometown because our Fabricland is the very same right down to the personalities of the people who work there, just different names. Be well take care of yourself. You are a beautiful person and soul. You will come back stronger and I look forward to that day if you choose to share with us once again. Peace love and understanding
Shelley
So glad you let us know about yourself. I’m glad you’re doing what you need to do for your health. That’s so important that’s what I’ve believed from the beginning. We are responsible for our health it is not someone else’s responsibility or place to tells what to do.
I don’t know you but I find myself caring deeply about you. I won’t be giving you any advice though because you know what you need. I’m grateful for what you have done for me in educating, sharing your personal stories yes sometimes we do need to share those because it gives us a connection and we can build trust in each other. Which is hard right now. Also thank you for bringing some humour to a very trying time. I was introduced to you when I was sent your very funny video of the day you went to Fabricland. I swear you lived in my hometown because our Fabricland is the very same right down to the personalities of the people who work there, just different names. Be well take care of yourself. You are a beautiful person and soul. You will come back stronger and I look forward to that day if you choose to share with us once again. Peace love and understanding
Shelley
Arlene
14 Apr 2022
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up0-YHf3WZA
Saskia
14 Apr 2022
PS, about your eyes: perhaps it is because you read so much. A good thing to do to fix your eyes a bit is to go outside and look far into the distance. Then hold your finger in front of you and focus on your finger that is close by. Then back into the distance again. Do this a couple of times. It will train your eyes. Also, perhaps you have heard of it: Germanic New Medicine (discovered by Dr. Ryke Geerd Hamer), I truly believe in this. Perhaps it helps you. Because all physical problems relate to psychological issues. It is all mental stress that leads to disease.
Saskia
14 Apr 2022
I'm getting tears in my eyes reading your message. I feel so bad for you. I know how you feel. No, you are not being over-dramatic. It IS extremely dramatic whats going on. I can't stop thinking about it all day long. I'm a single mom, doing fine economically, but each moment I am alone or each moment I can slip away in my thoughts, I have the same grief, depression, sadness and anger. I look around me and see people doing their normal life. And I just can't understand it. Don't they see whats going on? I am extremely stressed. In the EU they are installing laws to take away our property. They want to take away our safe haven. People tell me to take a break. To try to stop dwelling on it. I just can't understand, we all should be dwelling on it, get angry and stop them. You are such a beautiful woman. I don't know you personally, but I love you. I really do. You are in my heart. I will never forget you. You will get out of this negative period. You just need to restore some energy. Will we live in a hell in the near future? Who knows. I'm afraid yes. Sometimes it helps me to tell myself: I will never give in. I will never give them my house. But what can you do when they are armed and we are not and the majority is in a deep coma. Often I read and watch videos about NDE's. It helps me. I realize then, that this life is just an experience. Just a temporary experience. One day we all go back home. I wish I could help you and give you my energy, I still have some energy left.
Debra Cookson
14 Apr 2022
Greetings Amazing Lady, all the way from South Africa. Sending you much healing & love. You are such a dear soul, much gratitude to you & your work!
Gejan52
14 Apr 2022
Take your time Polly. I understand your exhaustion and need for rest. There is something very strange occuring in this world right now. You are an extremely perceptive person as demonstrated by your years of dedicating yourself to the unraveling of truths and exposing the evils. So many rabbit holes. I read David Ike's Pereceptions of A Renegade Mind. He introduced me to the Gnostics of early Christianity and Wetico at the same time I was examining my understanding of the evil in the world and how it was manifesting. This led me to another book called Dispelling Wetiko: Breaking the Curse of Evil by Paul Levy which I'm currently reading (also available on Audible). I do not understand it all and it is sometimes scary, but there is some hope contained within the pages as well. Levy posists that humanity is suffering ( and has been since time became) from a parasite of the mind. In addition, I am a student of the Bible and a Louise Hay admirer ( Heal The Body ). Feel better, my friend. I love you.
Arnaud
14 Apr 2022
Hi Polly,
Thank you for giving us a bit of information about your health. I will pray Saint Lucie for your eyes. I'm glad you're still alive and free.
God Bless,
Arnaud
Thank you for giving us a bit of information about your health. I will pray Saint Lucie for your eyes. I'm glad you're still alive and free.
God Bless,
Arnaud
Tammara Wright
14 Apr 2022
Oh dear Polly, you have every right to take time to recuperate, we are in a war and you have been damaged by it. But know that what you have brought to the fight has been worth it. You have helped awaken lions that will continue to fight while you regenerate! I have discovered a back bone I never knew I had because you gave me the ammo I needed to stay grounded! Take the time you need and know your tribe is here waiting for your return with no expectations. 💜