I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Johanne
12 Apr 2022
Dearest Polly,
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I feel (felt) much the same as yourself.
I too am having to “MacGyver” my own health care needs, and some of those of my family. I too have lost almost all trust and faith in the healthcare system. My interest and studying of medicines and medical aid/s is actually coming in quite handy now, unfortunately(?).
You are spot-on about us being forged in the fire at this time and juncture. Take your time and persevere in the peace only God can provide. Stay in prayer, dear Polly, and I also will pray for you.
Much love to you, my sister in Christ.
Sincerely,
Johanne
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I feel (felt) much the same as yourself.
I too am having to “MacGyver” my own health care needs, and some of those of my family. I too have lost almost all trust and faith in the healthcare system. My interest and studying of medicines and medical aid/s is actually coming in quite handy now, unfortunately(?).
You are spot-on about us being forged in the fire at this time and juncture. Take your time and persevere in the peace only God can provide. Stay in prayer, dear Polly, and I also will pray for you.
Much love to you, my sister in Christ.
Sincerely,
Johanne
Helen
11 Apr 2022
Bless you, Polly. So much you've said resonates. The burn out, the health issues, and the loss. I suffered personal grief in August and it's been up hill since to keep going. But we all are collectively here for each other, sending you love and thoughts. We will all get through this. We are stronger than we know, we've got this far.
patricia bowman
11 Apr 2022
I am in the same situation...grieving for my family who tells me ALL YOUR FAMILY IS VAXXED. Meaning something is not right with me. My heart is crushed and at 70 I believe that GOD is doing something that has nothing to do with little old me. Be Blessed Polly. Get as close to JESUS as you can....time is no more. Its HIS time now.
Anna
11 Apr 2022
God Bless U and please stay strong!!!! I have been following you for years and I want to thank you for all u do!!! This is indeed a spiritual battle and you are in my prayers. So glad I found you here.
Tauni DeLeon
11 Apr 2022
Sending you so many prayers for all
You are going through you are not alone we are with you and God will bring you through this. Please let us know if we can send you anything to help. We declare God’s promises for protection, comfort and peace in the face of the enemy’s attacks and the enemy has to flee. Praying now and will
Continue praying for your heart and your body to be fully healed.
In Jesus name we pray 🙏
You are going through you are not alone we are with you and God will bring you through this. Please let us know if we can send you anything to help. We declare God’s promises for protection, comfort and peace in the face of the enemy’s attacks and the enemy has to flee. Praying now and will
Continue praying for your heart and your body to be fully healed.
In Jesus name we pray 🙏
Aaryn
11 Apr 2022
Polly, sending heartfelt prayers for you in this difficult time. You have done so much for us in the way of research and presenting amazing truths. We are very grateful. Please do take the time you need to do what is needed for your own physical, spiritual, and mental health. We are holding you in sacred prayer.
Stella-Santa Tremblay
11 Apr 2022
No explanation needed Polly. You have given us so much information. You must put yourself first and take care of yourself. No one else can do it. I often take breaks because confronting pure evil takes a toll. Will try to send you Silversol35 and a nebulizer. Rest in calm and peacefulness without fear and doubt. Much love…
ted
11 Apr 2022
Dear Polly
Thank you for what you have achieved. For so many here in the UK, you are a ray of sanity ; in a darkening world we need a true and a clean spirit and your spirit is in my opinion both of these but above all ,it is the bravest of spirits .. Stay precious, be rested and be peacful.
Thank you for what you have achieved. For so many here in the UK, you are a ray of sanity ; in a darkening world we need a true and a clean spirit and your spirit is in my opinion both of these but above all ,it is the bravest of spirits .. Stay precious, be rested and be peacful.