I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
The Lookout @ the Watch Post
11 Apr 2022
Polly I'm so glad to read this. I'd been concerned that something horrible had happened to you. Not to say that what you're going through isn't horrible. In fact, I can totally relate. I haven't been able to maintain my own blog over the last few weeks (end times news and commentary) because of the emotional overload. I hate it. It makes me feel weak as a person. But try as I might, I just can't get back into the groove. Propaganda is everywhere and everything. I believe nothing I hear or see in the news. Even some of the alt news has gone bad. Anyway, prayers for you my sweet sister in Christ. I hope we're both able to heal and get on with our work very soon. Hugs!
Michele
11 Apr 2022
As I read what others have written concerning helpful people such as Dr. Vernon Coleman, Dell Bigtree and Judy Mikovitz, I thought to add another name.
On Bitchute: Clif High
For those who don't know, his Alta Report analyzed words across the internet when it was still uncensored and tinkered with robots. Through those reports, he was able to see future trends.
He saw something called the "sun disease" (what we now know is corona virus) and didn't know what it was, but knew it would come in 2019.
I recommend spending time listening to his channel from the beginning to understand.
What he calls "space aliens" we and he knows are not!
On Bitchute: Clif High
For those who don't know, his Alta Report analyzed words across the internet when it was still uncensored and tinkered with robots. Through those reports, he was able to see future trends.
He saw something called the "sun disease" (what we now know is corona virus) and didn't know what it was, but knew it would come in 2019.
I recommend spending time listening to his channel from the beginning to understand.
What he calls "space aliens" we and he knows are not!
Melissa Fast
11 Apr 2022
Much love and prayers for you and yours! We await your recovery in Christ Jesus!
Rich
11 Apr 2022
Good metaphor - I wonder when my island will sink too. But we're all on the same island, just different parts of it are flooding first. It will never sink in its entirety however....
A fine piece of music for the times (Peter Gabriel/Wallflower/1982): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdxmSayxfPY
A fine piece of music for the times (Peter Gabriel/Wallflower/1982): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdxmSayxfPY
Michele
11 Apr 2022
As I read your gracious message to me (and all of us who care about you), I was reminded of two things. Some may say those things are opposites, as they are in the camps of secular and spiritual, but I find they overlap.
First, I will share the secular because it's the least important, in my opinion.
That is the song by Jackson Browne: Doctor My Eyes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cqoI65z-jo
And secondly, the bible describes how even Christ would take time away from all who would demand his time to quietly spend time with His Father. If He did that, I consider it a good recommendation to all who fight the good fight.
I'll pray for your physical and spiritual rejuvenation!
First, I will share the secular because it's the least important, in my opinion.
That is the song by Jackson Browne: Doctor My Eyes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cqoI65z-jo
And secondly, the bible describes how even Christ would take time away from all who would demand his time to quietly spend time with His Father. If He did that, I consider it a good recommendation to all who fight the good fight.
I'll pray for your physical and spiritual rejuvenation!
Claire
11 Apr 2022
Dear Polly,
Every week I check in with you to see if you have made a new video. You are my comfort through these maddening times. Even when I have stopped reading anything on Facebook or Twitter or anywhere else. I still check in to hear what you have to say and I always feel better. I don't know why.
I hope that you get through whatever you are going through and decide to make another video
. Definitely miss your work. But your peace and happiness is the most important.
Every week I check in with you to see if you have made a new video. You are my comfort through these maddening times. Even when I have stopped reading anything on Facebook or Twitter or anywhere else. I still check in to hear what you have to say and I always feel better. I don't know why.
I hope that you get through whatever you are going through and decide to make another video
. Definitely miss your work. But your peace and happiness is the most important.
Cynthia Hunt
11 Apr 2022
Dearest Polly, Thank you for all your efforts. I had the feeling you were set back and I understood considering all that has been going on. I have a little story about a woman that I started following around 2010. She is the reason I didn't get caught up in the medical crisis. She grad w/honors from Harvard as a medical doctor & she teaches online & in the beginning, it was around 1-1/2 hour lectures every week, now only .45 minutes. I used to have to wear glasses bc I work on the computer & after following her guidelines...loosely bc I am lazy I just recently passed my test for no more glasses on my DL (still wear readers tho). All the best to you & if you want I can pass her info on to you.
Elisa
11 Apr 2022
You have been such a great reporter and have uncovered so much evil in the world today. It gets so overwhelming and I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you. Thank you for letting us know about your need for a break. We hope and pray you will get your health back and that God will comfort you. These are extremely difficult times to be going through but with God’s help, we will make it and be surrounded by His peace and love.