I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Jill Butz
22 Apr 2022
I have followed you for some time now. Yesterday I went to see if you had a new video on telegram and was stunned to read what you’ve been going through. I was beyond thrilled to see a video up today. I’ve loved your courage and was able to do the same here in my rural south central Pennsylvanian town. I refused to fly, I refused to go places where masks were required. Only was forced to do so for medical help. This is where I would make a big deal out of holding the mask away from my nose and mouth the entire time I was there until many doctors or staff would tell me to just take it off. I know before all this over I’ll be killed for non compliance but I refuse to give into their demands when I know it is not for my good. They are trying to hurt us. Some would say depopulate. I would agree with them.
Carol A Schell
22 Apr 2022
God bless you, Polly. I have been missing you. And your updates. Sad to hear of all you are going through. I pray for a satisfactory resolve to all of your personal issues. I am still standing firm in part due to what I have learned from you. Your voice has touched millions. The info you have shared is shared by others further throughout the earth. Satan and all his wiles will be defeated, if not here then, in the New Earth. I look forward to rejoicing in our Lord with you in that beautiful place.
Wendy
22 Apr 2022
Been thinking of you. You’ve been fighting harder and longer than most. Your weapons are your ability to dig and present your findings in a way that encourages others to seek truth as well.
I work in the “natural” side of health. I’ve witnessed what this war is doing to people and it’s real. I also know how to arm ourselves to keep us stronger, more focused and avoid burnout.
It’s relatively simple.
(Btw I do not sell anything)
I work in the “natural” side of health. I’ve witnessed what this war is doing to people and it’s real. I also know how to arm ourselves to keep us stronger, more focused and avoid burnout.
It’s relatively simple.
(Btw I do not sell anything)
Virginia
22 Apr 2022
Hello, there dear friend. I have been wondering how you are. Stress can wreak havoc in more ways than one. We must learn to be more gentle with ourselves, so we may conserve the energy needed to live a balanced life. I too have crawled into a cocoon of sorts. I have become extremely choosey in what I'm allowing into my realm. God Bless you always.
Cathy
22 Apr 2022
Please know that all you do and have done has had an incredible impact. The depth of the research that you share with others is amazing, and has been a much needed blessing to those of us searching for threads of truth and like-minded people. Please take care of you & know that you are in our hearts and prayers.
Malinda Quick
21 Apr 2022
Polly, you have become like family, a wise elder (though obviously incredibly young) who has been a much-needed grounding place. Our strength and zeal are not bottomless. While I have greatly missed your words, wisdom, and presence, it is good to know you are taking care of yourself. Painting and remodeling is a great way to recenter and relax. I pray you find relief and healing for your eyes, as they see for many! Be kind to yourself.
Malinda
Malinda
James
21 Apr 2022
Thank you for all that you do Polly. I think we know how this is all going to play out, and you should be working on creating conditions for yourself in the tough times ahead. Take care of yourself missy.
Polly, You are a champ! I've been watching you since before the scamdemic, and you were one of the few voices in the beginning of this worldwide phony plot that kept me hopeful -- that there were others who thought like I did and saw what I did. I am grateful for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I believe I went through a similar spiral in August through December of 2021. I was living in California then. But in February God plucked my family and me out of that dry, thirsty land and planted us (for now) in Florida. He has given us time, it seems. I went through a spiritual renewing -- desperately needed. Anyway, I kept and keep reminding myself: I mourn now, and then comes joy.
So now I know a storm is still coming. And for people like you, and Pam Popper, and Peggy Hall -- all of you champions and many others!!!!! I know we are not alone. There are more of us. Be encouraged. Now is morning, but then comes joy.
The enemy wants our souls, but it is not his to take!
Praying for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I believe I went through a similar spiral in August through December of 2021. I was living in California then. But in February God plucked my family and me out of that dry, thirsty land and planted us (for now) in Florida. He has given us time, it seems. I went through a spiritual renewing -- desperately needed. Anyway, I kept and keep reminding myself: I mourn now, and then comes joy.
So now I know a storm is still coming. And for people like you, and Pam Popper, and Peggy Hall -- all of you champions and many others!!!!! I know we are not alone. There are more of us. Be encouraged. Now is morning, but then comes joy.
The enemy wants our souls, but it is not his to take!
Praying for you.