I'm Still Alive and Free

I'm Still Alive and Free

Just a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.

I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )

Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.

After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.

Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)

Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.

Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.

In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.

In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?

Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.

As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.

As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!

Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.

God bless,

Polly

314

reviews

Steve B

21 Apr 2022

So relieved that you surfaced and explained what you've been dealing with behind the scenes.
Polly, you are one of the best researchers out there. Not playing up the middle or veering off
into topic tangents but instead exposing the connections and organizations driving this takeover.
If doing this work really gave you a reason to get out of bed in the morning (or stay up all night)
don't allow the tough times and uncertainty to deprive you and your worldwide circle of friends
of sharing in and benefitting from that gift. I also have links to send for the eyesight and energy
level/ mood challenges, please let me know, it would be a very minor way of saying thanks for
the insights you've brought me through your videos.

10drum

21 Apr 2022

Polly, For some reason I felt as though you, as all of us, had burnt out. I know, all I want is for something to happen to give us hope, because at this point hope is all we have.

Sometimes I envy the sleeping, but fortunately we can not go back to sleep. The sleeping will need us once they are shocked awake. We can only pray that it won't be too late. I will patiently wait for your next video. I have not, nor will I unsubscribe.

Thank you for all that you do.

Phil

Sheila

21 Apr 2022

Thank you Polly for all you have done thus far. It is time to take care of YOU! I have found other things to keep me busy to escape from the madness. A small vegetable garden, preparing to feed myself and my family has been my focus for the last two years, perhaps you could find solace in the garden as I have. Learning new (old) traditions of preserving sustainable foods has also given me focus. I wish the best for you, many prayers of blessings are heaped upon you to endure what is to come.
Blessings,
Sheila
Michigan U.S.A.

Lori

21 Apr 2022

Polly-
I appreciate you so very much! It has been difficult for us all with our own unique circumstances, some worse than others- but personal and important to each of us. So I think many can relate to you. I have found I needed to take time away from the news/research and reflect on the bigger picture.
The Lord keeps us in perfect peace when we keep our eyes on Him. If you want to hav a time of refreshment and encouragement I highly recommend the audiobook- Tramp for the Lord by Corrie Ten Boom!!!! Honestly you will not be disappointed and will find comfort and encouragement in your faith and hope.
Much love!
Lori D. USA

BeckyScarlett

21 Apr 2022

God bless you Polly.
You are dearly loved and you are truly amazing.

Marla

21 Apr 2022

You have a special gift that you share with the world of discernment, research, a desire to find truth & share it. I know I have been not only enlightened by you but felt a great sense of relief when you are able to express the very same things I have in my heart & mind but lack the eloquence to put it all together. Thank you for what you do & I look forward to seeing your videos again 😊 in fact you posted one on masking and I was happy to see it. You nailed it as you always do.

lynn

21 Apr 2022

John Donne... (adapted by me) ~ " No man is an island, Entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, Apart of the main, If a clot be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less. ... Each man's suffering diminishes me, for we are all involved in mankind."

Polly, I'm sooo very sad to learn of your personal troubles and of the intense emotional struggles you are experiencing ..seems like when it rains, it pours on 'your island'. You have to take very special care to process all of this, imho. Sending you prayers all the way from Colorado❣🙏🏻❣ Thinking about this whole nightmare, each of us in our own way, are "fighting the good fight"❣ Even as bits and whole pieces of our world fall apart around us on this perilous journey, we should gaze carefully on each shard or mosaic at our feet. .. Look for all that may be salvaged, treasured and preserved and count them as foundational blocks as we begin to create our future. IMO, time is being afforded to each of us to learn, process and understand the profound meanings of events, etc. during these past years, even decades. Learning to choose freedom is really hard work.. but the rewards can be life affirming and beautiful.❣❣❣

MelodyBooks

20 Apr 2022

Blessings to you, Polly.

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