I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Bronagh Walsh
20 Apr 2022
Hi Polly, you may know this already but a Dr. Bates, who lived at the turn of the 20 century developed an exercise plan for deteriorating sight in middle age, I don't know if this is applicable for you but this site is where to go for the exercises, you can also get a personal exercise plan in it https://www.bateseyeexercises.com/welcome.php. Thank you for everything you do! I've been on to the cabal since I was about 10 years old around the time of the 20th anniversary of JFK's death, I was looking at a still of the fatal shot and said to myself "He wasn't shot from behind!", It can be a lonely road sometimes but easier I imagine than lying to yourself!
K'Lynne Jones
20 Apr 2022
You just do what you need to and feel better! I love you and miss you terribly. Take care and I will keep checking in, you’ve become one of my mainstays and I appreciate all your hard work!
Christian Kern
20 Apr 2022
Welcome back! : ) Just watched "PERMISSION TO BREATHE FREELY, SIR?" And from us here in the Kern household.........THANK YOU!!!!! That was a reward for us from you after two years of total bullshit and frustration and arguing with friends and family and losing friends and family all for a "virus" that never existed.........perhaps you can relate.
This whole game was a test of a term we here call "Personal Sovereignty" my wife never wore a mask during the whole time, kudos to her. I did partially to get my scripts from the doctors office, they would tell me put it on and I would take it back off. (Repeat dozens of time in one visit)
Don't know what's going on with your personal life, I know it's none of my business, however........ the more you share with the people of your choice, the tighter the bond. Just an observation.
When I get depressed and want a buzz I watch this, works every time. I recommend it on a regular basis for every one here.
See: https://www.bitchute.com/video/SClYZkeEd5we/
We would like to gift you something of value, but no way of sending it to you because of it requiring a signature.
In the meantime............
Best wishes,
Take good care of the blue eyed goddess named Polly and as always...................
Enjoy the show!
GSF
Chris
This whole game was a test of a term we here call "Personal Sovereignty" my wife never wore a mask during the whole time, kudos to her. I did partially to get my scripts from the doctors office, they would tell me put it on and I would take it back off. (Repeat dozens of time in one visit)
Don't know what's going on with your personal life, I know it's none of my business, however........ the more you share with the people of your choice, the tighter the bond. Just an observation.
When I get depressed and want a buzz I watch this, works every time. I recommend it on a regular basis for every one here.
See: https://www.bitchute.com/video/SClYZkeEd5we/
We would like to gift you something of value, but no way of sending it to you because of it requiring a signature.
In the meantime............
Best wishes,
Take good care of the blue eyed goddess named Polly and as always...................
Enjoy the show!
GSF
Chris
Amanda
20 Apr 2022
Dear Polly,
You are an inspiration, even in your ability to step away. In addition to being constantly insightful, your perspective during this constant nightmare is a reassurance to so many, but even in your stepping back for a moment, you remind us that it's ok to feel overwhelmed by grief at all different levels and to recognize when we need to focus on ourselves to sustain.
In addition to this extra hurdle you’re facing and the constant torture we face as a people, I recognize that there's a lot of unspoken weight that comes with putting your name and face on the line and fighting against a world regime. As you mentioned in your latest video, soldiers weren’t excited to be in the trenches, it took immense bravery. During this invisible and very real war, many people fight anonymously or don't even at all. Not you. You look the devil square in the eyes and tell him you're willing to fight. That doesn’t go unnoticed.
By doing what you do, you charge us to continue to push for what is right and true as well and I know that God is with you as you walk your path. I pray that God nurtures your soul during this time and reminds you of your strength and infuses some of his to take on this extra hurdle. You've been given eyes to see and a spirit to do, but let us all remember that on the 7th day, He rested.
I cheer for you from Illinois, Polly. You are a gift.
Much love to you!
You are an inspiration, even in your ability to step away. In addition to being constantly insightful, your perspective during this constant nightmare is a reassurance to so many, but even in your stepping back for a moment, you remind us that it's ok to feel overwhelmed by grief at all different levels and to recognize when we need to focus on ourselves to sustain.
In addition to this extra hurdle you’re facing and the constant torture we face as a people, I recognize that there's a lot of unspoken weight that comes with putting your name and face on the line and fighting against a world regime. As you mentioned in your latest video, soldiers weren’t excited to be in the trenches, it took immense bravery. During this invisible and very real war, many people fight anonymously or don't even at all. Not you. You look the devil square in the eyes and tell him you're willing to fight. That doesn’t go unnoticed.
By doing what you do, you charge us to continue to push for what is right and true as well and I know that God is with you as you walk your path. I pray that God nurtures your soul during this time and reminds you of your strength and infuses some of his to take on this extra hurdle. You've been given eyes to see and a spirit to do, but let us all remember that on the 7th day, He rested.
I cheer for you from Illinois, Polly. You are a gift.
Much love to you!
David Charles
20 Apr 2022
Oh Polly - shining light in this world as you are.
You have brought so much to all your followers and so many others who follow your followers. to have some down time to nurse and nurture your own spirit is not only unexpected - it is essential.
None of us can stay awake for more than a day - without sleeping to restore to restore ourselves.
Restore yourself Polly - knowing that a world of people sit by your bedside holding your hand and wishing you everything you wish for yourself.
We are all together in this push for a our Heaven on Earth. It will manifest - of this I have no doubt. I also have no doubt that it will be manifested with certain cost. But that is OK. It is OK because we all signed up to play the part we are playing. When our time comes to take our bow and leave the stage - we will do so knowing we have played the part which only we were destined and able to play. Take heart dear one - for we are all with you - all Connected.
Bless you - you beautiful soul in Earth.
And thank you for being in our lives.
Love and Light
Walk With Bears
You have brought so much to all your followers and so many others who follow your followers. to have some down time to nurse and nurture your own spirit is not only unexpected - it is essential.
None of us can stay awake for more than a day - without sleeping to restore to restore ourselves.
Restore yourself Polly - knowing that a world of people sit by your bedside holding your hand and wishing you everything you wish for yourself.
We are all together in this push for a our Heaven on Earth. It will manifest - of this I have no doubt. I also have no doubt that it will be manifested with certain cost. But that is OK. It is OK because we all signed up to play the part we are playing. When our time comes to take our bow and leave the stage - we will do so knowing we have played the part which only we were destined and able to play. Take heart dear one - for we are all with you - all Connected.
Bless you - you beautiful soul in Earth.
And thank you for being in our lives.
Love and Light
Walk With Bears
Selah
20 Apr 2022
You remind me of this story and pray you keep the focus even though I know it is hard when in the storm.
A little boy was too optimistic. His parents worried that he would be ill prepared for life. They went to a psychologist who recommended they give him nothing on Christmas morning except a box of poop. He said it would be impossible to be optimistic about that. The parents did as instructed. The little boy opened the box and exclaimed "Where's the pony?"
I have learned, in my long life, that whenever life throws a lot at us, it is trying to discourage us from our blessed hope. At the end of the struggle there is a great blessing. The greater the struggle, the greater the blessing.
Hang in there and God bless! Your pony is coming.
A little boy was too optimistic. His parents worried that he would be ill prepared for life. They went to a psychologist who recommended they give him nothing on Christmas morning except a box of poop. He said it would be impossible to be optimistic about that. The parents did as instructed. The little boy opened the box and exclaimed "Where's the pony?"
I have learned, in my long life, that whenever life throws a lot at us, it is trying to discourage us from our blessed hope. At the end of the struggle there is a great blessing. The greater the struggle, the greater the blessing.
Hang in there and God bless! Your pony is coming.
Shannon
20 Apr 2022
I missed you, but understand the need for self care. We need you, so you need to take the time as and when you see fit, we'll wait.
Mary
20 Apr 2022
I had a pretty statement worked out but instead I’m sending ((hugs)). Grateful for you, Polly.
A Reader in Pennsylvania
A Reader in Pennsylvania