I'm Still Alive and Free
I'm Still Alive and FreeJust a quick note of explanation for my regular audience.
I haven't made a new video in a long time and website updates have become irregular. For proof-of-life (hehe) you might want to follow my "associate" on Twitter. (see: (4) Mrs. Smith (@FringeViews) / Twitter )
Many of you know I had intended to take a break in January but put it off to cover the Trucker Convoy in Canada. It was a very important moment for my country so I used every last bit of energy I had to do reports about it at the time. After the convoy coverage I did the one WEF Global Shapers video because I felt the information was important as it gave the public a chance to pinpoint exactly who they could track and approach in their local areas. I was glad to see that information spread far and wide! Thank you to everyone who jumped on that topic and contributed with their own research, sharing the video, etc.
After that Global Shapers report went out, I ran out of gas.
Look, I know these moaning-type posts must be getting boring for you. It's not a subject I want to be writing about, believe me, but I think an explanation is warranted after such a long absence. My apologies if the following comes off as self-indulgent but there are those who I know are worried about me or who are wondering whether or not I'm gone for good so this post is for them. (God bless all of you for your genuine care, concern and connection. I am so grateful and blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful group around me.)
Let me start by acknowledging something important that is missing from the bulk of commentary in this day and age: we are living in a time of disorientation, loss, grief, desperation, information overload, and (mostly falsified) existential terror. We are being tortured, and torture works. People lose themselves. People acquiesce to all sorts of things they didn't think possible under normal circumstances. People go into shock. People give up, they cave in, and people die. Even though torture always succeeds in changing a person, it is not all negative in the end. I would never, ever advocate for torture and believe it to be a great evil, so don't mistake my message here. But there are some individuals who become stronger in some ways from the experience. Changed, and mostly negatively so, but having been forged in the fire their resolve hardens and becomes unbreakable. During the period of torture, however, each individual suffers in different measure according to his or her own constitution. Like it or not, that is where we are now. We are all still enduring the torture. What has been forced upon us for the past two (or more) years has been and continues to be a destruction of society, economy, culture, family, faith and individuals. Whatever stage you're in at the moment, however you are personally dealing with the torture I'm sure you will be able to relate to some of what I'm about to write.
Without getting into details, I can share that I've been lost in the Land of Deep Mourning for a while now. At first, even though the Covid Craziness was horrifying, I had been able to face it because my personal world remained intact. I had a sheltered island to retreat to while the surrounding sea was roiled by fear, doubt and uncertainty. For about 16 months following March 2020 I was able to see, research and deliver all the ugly news without it eating away at my heart and soul. I went to sleep at night peacefully because I felt that from my island I could perhaps help to inform people and thus help bring sanity back to society with my little contributions. This foundation - my island - had been all I needed to be able to carry on staring into the abyss, bring you reports, and even have a chuckle from time to time.
In September my island sunk into the deep. I can't tell you what happened for the sake of privacy though I dearly wish to dilute the exquisite pain contained in the story by pouring it out of me and into the hearts of all who read it. To do so would be selfish, though, so I choose to contain it within. Suffice to say that it was a blindside. The facts took weeks to fully set in and the emotional rollercoaster has not come to a stop yet. Since September I've been dealing with the typical stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining and depression. Since this wasn't a death there's not been an end point. I can't accept it because the future is still unfolding. Maybe instead of 'acceptance' which is supposed to be the final stage of grief I will have to learn to live with it in another way.
In any case, what I found was that I couldn't look at the news any more. All of it was (is?) too painful. I could (can) barely interact with people. Who will I be when I come out the other end of this? How much of this is me being over-dramatic? What do I want for the future and am I even in control of this death/rebirth that I feel I'm going through?
Coincidentally (or probably not) my physical health began to deteriorate as well. It is mostly my eyes, as it was when I'd tried to escape Ontario and drive part way across the country. (Is this God or the Adversary stepping in I wonder?) Perhaps it is related to the fact that everything is twice as difficult to do now but my energy level has plummeted to a concerning level. What with the medical system here having bottomed out - not only will doctors not see patients in the office (hello Great Reset & Telehealth) - but I'm dubious in the extreme about interacting with it anyway.
As you can probably guess much of my work time is spent reading so with very blurry vision, well, you can guess how that has impacted my routine. And not just for reading, of course, but for all aspects of life. Perhaps de to the psychological factors in play I have found that when I try to work I feel nauseated and shaky, like I've been through a form of aversion therapy (torture, maybe.) On the other hand not working and not producing has also been very difficult. This is the basic shape of the hole I'm trying to climb out of with the help of distance, prayer and reflection.
As I type today I believe I'll be able to make a video soon, God willing. I'm feeling a little better lately and I've worked out some 'Mad Max' solutions for my ever-changing vision (see pic). Just a few days ago I got a new pair which works today but may not work a week from now. Luckily I have kept almost every pair of glasses I have ever worn, so I have material to work with. 🙂 Hey - it's a head start on the coping skills we'll all need in the 'you-will-own-nothing-and-be-happy' future, right? I can be the hobo optician. Ha!
Once again I apologize for making a post that is all about me and my problems (cringe) but as I said I've been away long enough that my monthly subscribers and other supporters were owed an honest explanation for my absence.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to check out that twitter link. Mrs. Smith would be happy to see you.
God bless,
Polly
314
reviews
Bev
20 Apr 2022
Dear Polly, Praying for you...for peace, comfort and most important for relief from emotional and physical pain. You are an important link to truth for so many. Please don't let current circumstances diminish your passion for this truth. The Lord is with you. Psalm 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand You save me. God bless...
Judith
20 Apr 2022
Love you and praying for you Polly. Much grief and pain here in Hong Kong too but please know you’re making a difference and you, just like Queen Esther, ‘are here for such a time as this’. Hang on in there my friend. Xx
Bex
20 Apr 2022
Each of us comes to this gathering point, this website, having traversed on our own personal journey. What we (hope to) learn on that journey is that there is only one thing that is a constant in our lives. Everything else is transient, rented to us, loaned, etc, with the ability, for whatever reason to be taken away. The one constant that travels with us, through the entirety of our lives, is ourselves. Relationships end, homes are removed, jobs replaced, countries lost….we have little control over any of this, however hard we attempt to hold on. But ourselves, our soul, our spirit, is the one thing that we are ‘given’ that cannot be taken away. Build that soul into something that you love, something that can face the future ‘without flinching’, something that consists of the virtues and morals that you admire, and then, regardless of what befalls you, you are never alone. Just a thought from an ‘old woman’ who, during the journey of life, has lost all, at one time or another, and is still standing…..:)
gutindra
20 Apr 2022
Glad to see you back. Being amazing is a tough job, but someone 's got to do it. Take care and God bless.
Gemma
20 Apr 2022
Sending you much love across the pond. Great to see you back and in fighting spirits. Few people have done more to waken up the world than you have, my sister-in-arms. God sees everything and chooses the brave to endure the most suffering. There are much brighter days ahead in the new world we are creating. Talk soon and look after yourself. Gxx
Wouter Overeem
20 Apr 2022
Dear Polly,
I'm so happy to hear from you. I was really worried.
I think many people experience the pain of death and rebirth and it is only logical that energy levels come on a lower limit. I undergo the same and I am unable to do something about it at the moment. It was activated by a personal tragedy .
However, I believe that after rebirth and a period of self reflection we again find our place in this life and in this world. And as soon as our energy levels are restored, we become the unstopable force that governments and companies dictate how to behave themselves and we will account for events happened in recent years.
The globalist has no future, but you have. This is because so many people love you and carry you in their hearts. As I do.
I'm so happy to hear from you. I was really worried.
I think many people experience the pain of death and rebirth and it is only logical that energy levels come on a lower limit. I undergo the same and I am unable to do something about it at the moment. It was activated by a personal tragedy .
However, I believe that after rebirth and a period of self reflection we again find our place in this life and in this world. And as soon as our energy levels are restored, we become the unstopable force that governments and companies dictate how to behave themselves and we will account for events happened in recent years.
The globalist has no future, but you have. This is because so many people love you and carry you in their hearts. As I do.
Fleur Weare
20 Apr 2022
Get tested for Glaucoma at the Ophthalmologist. They can’t test your eyes via telly health so you will need to see someone. This is something that needs to be done with some degree of urgency. Keep your blood pressure down though so maybe get someone else to make those calls ;-)
Fleur Weare
20 Apr 2022
Polly, my heart hurts hearing that you have been feeling the full wrath of this *hand gestures wildly. I have followed you for years and through good times and bad it was your soothing voice that led me down rabbit holes and connected the dots on so much of the darkest corners of the worlds mischief.
You my love are not going under. God has you by the hand. Where you are going is where you need to be. What you are going through is a lesson you needed to learn. If you get stuck then simply ask for help, He won’t step in unless you ask. You forget to ask because you are so strong!! You need to remember to ask God to help you.
I’m sending you loads of love and when I have some I’ll send you money too :) Money is more useful than love at the moment!
Rest if you must but never ever quit! X
You my love are not going under. God has you by the hand. Where you are going is where you need to be. What you are going through is a lesson you needed to learn. If you get stuck then simply ask for help, He won’t step in unless you ask. You forget to ask because you are so strong!! You need to remember to ask God to help you.
I’m sending you loads of love and when I have some I’ll send you money too :) Money is more useful than love at the moment!
Rest if you must but never ever quit! X